


A couple hundred miles

by reallyokaygirl



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-15 22:56:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21026117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallyokaygirl/pseuds/reallyokaygirl
Summary: Seulgi had always prioritized other people’s happiness over her own, which suited her just fine. It was only through meeting Joohyun, her niece’s kindergarten teacher, that she finally let herself be happy.





	A couple hundred miles

**Author's Note:**

> Red Velvet exists in this AU, except Seulgi’s the leader and Joohyun is not in it.
> 
> While I would consider this to be the fluffiest fluffy fluff, there is smut, minor discussions of being in the closet (and related topics like homophobia), and a bit of light angst. But don’t worry, it’s really fluffy.
> 
> Title is from Lost In Japan by Shawn Mendes.
> 
> Thanks to anonymous033 for their help with this!

The most important thing in the world to Seulgi was other people’s happiness.

She learned early that when she sang and danced, her parents would beam at her with pride. When she gave her (annoying) brother the bigger treat, she didn’t mind because she’d get a (stupid) grin in return. She tried to be friendly and outgoing with everyone, earning her a reputation as someone who was easy to get along with.

This instinct to put other people first did well for her as she got older, especially as leader of Red Velvet.

Seulgi would often do things for her members. She would volunteer to take on a fuller schedule, so that the other three could have breaks and rest when they needed it. She made sure to try hardest when learning new songs and new choreography so she could teach it to her members and help them with any questions or difficulties they had.

She did what she could for her family. She gave a lot of her earnings back to her family to make up for the financial strain that was put on them when she was a trainee, and to ensure that all of them would have a comfortable life.

Like most other Idols, she sacrificed things that other people her age would do - simple things like privacy, dating and self-discovery were not priorities for her. Sometimes it was hard - she was always sacrificing herself to manage the expectations and personalities of her members, managers, agency and fans.

But at the end of the day, if that meant that the people she cared for were happy, then she did it.

Right now though, she was feeling pretty good. She managed to do something for her members and her family that also benefited her.

She took it upon herself to negotiate with her agency for her and her members to have a few days off before their big Southeast Asian tour. The tour itself was a whirlwind two weeks and six countries - different languages, multiple flights, hundreds of thousands of fans to entertain. It was a rigorous and difficult schedule for the most experienced Idol, so Seulgi pushed for the rest time to prepare.

The agency agreed - but only if Seulgi would take on a few extra projects later in the year. For her members’ overall health, she did it.

Each girl took the few days to rest, recharge and spend time with their families.

For Seulgi, she especially wanted to focus on her family.

She loved being an Idol, but some things - like not being able to see her loved ones, especially her 6-year-old niece Eunae - made it hard. Eunae was born when Seulgi was still a trainee, about to debut. She hadn’t been able to spend much time with her; but now that she was older, Seulgi wanted to be part of her life in a more meaningful way.

So while all of her members where off with their families, friends, or catching up on their well-deserved sleep, Seulgi was pulling into a primary school parking lot. She was picking up her niece every day from school for the week.

Seulgi stepped out of her car and double-checked the children’s car seat in the back to make sure it was secure, then made her way into the building.

A few of the receptionists greeted her when she reached the front desk to sign in, like her brother told her to. They hid their smiles and whispers behind their hands, indicating to Seulgi that they recognized her. She bowed, smiling back, then asked for directions to the kindergarten classroom. One of the other parents standing around offered to take her - thankfully not recognizing her the same way the receptionists did (or they didn’t care, Seulgi couldn’t tell).

A short walk down the hall led her to a colourful classroom, the walls covered with letters, numbers and cut-outs of cartoon bunnies, bears and other animals. It was a warm, inviting space, with lots of spaces to play and learn.

It was a very sweet classroom. Seulgi felt that the care the teacher had for her students was evident in every inch of the room.

She soon spotted Eunae, seated at a table, drawing. Next to her was who Seulgi assumed was the teacher - she could only see her back, but she was the only other adult in the room who didn’t look like a parent. Seulgi’s brother told her that he emailed the teacher to inform her that Seulgi would be the one getting Eunae, so she walked up to introduce herself and get Eunae ready to go home.

“Eunae? Seonsaengnim?”

The teacher turned around.

And everything stopped.

If there was ever a moment that she felt Blue Breeze Blow should be playing, it was this.

Every cliché about beauty and love that she’d ever sang about but never really understood suddenly made perfect sense to her. From her soft, long, dark hair, to her beautiful doe-eyes, to the gentle smile that graced her lips - Seulgi was immediately enchanted.

This woman was beautiful. 

“Gomo!”

Surprisingly strong arms wrapping themselves around Seulgi’s legs snapped her out of her revere. She looked down at Eunae beaming up at her and returned the smile, her eyes turning into crescents.

“Hi, Eunae!”

“Seonsaengnim! Meet my gomo! She’s an Idol! Like me, one day!”

“Omo, Eunae, you don’t need to tell people that,” Seulgi said, blushing.

Joohyun laughed held out her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Seulgi-ssi. Eunae has told me so much about you. She’s very proud of you.”

The teacher's smile - her bright, beautiful smile - was the most perfect thing Seulgi had ever seen.

And maybe she was imagining things, but a little bolt of electricity hit Seulgi when their hands touched.

—

And so it continued. For the next couple days, Seulgi would show up and make small talk with the beautiful teacher while waiting for Eunae.

(Her niece, quite the social butterfly, was never ready to leave when there were still students to play with.)

In barely a few minutes over the past few days, Seulgi had come to like the teacher. Joohyun-unnie, as the teacher insisted the Idol call her, was from Daegu (her accent would occasionally pop up) and had moved to Seoul to teach just that year. She had always wanted to work with children and started as a dance instructor while finishing university.

The teacher said Eunae was among one of her brightest students - although Seulgi suspected she felt that way about each of her pupils.

Each day brought a new subject for the two to discuss.

On Tuesday it was the single-line drawing method that Seulgi had been trying to reach Eunae, who’d only figured out how to draw a cat with it. Joohyun was glad to learn why all of Eunae’s projects featured cats.

Seulgi spent the rest of the time waiting for Eunae trying to show the teacher how to do it herself. It wasn’t very successful (but the teacher’s laugh was adorable, so Seulgi considered it a win).

On Wednesday it was a playful argument about where the best tteokbokki in that part of the city was. Even though Seulgi was certain she knew the best place, Joohyun kept arguing against her. They were so involved that eventually Eunae tugged her sleeve, telling her aunt they had to leave.

On Thursday, Seulgi brought her tteokbokki from her place the next day. Somehow though, Joohyun also brought her the dish from her preferred place and damn it, Joohyun’s was better.

The conversation shifted to Joohyun boasting and Seulgi being totally okay with her smug expression, because, to be honest, it was adorable.

Soon it was Friday. Admittedly, Seulgi was sad to say goodbye to Joohyun one last time. The teacher seemed to want to get to know her for her. Not as an Idol - she really didn’t seem particularly interested in that at all.

It was nice to have met someone who she could talk to openly and not feel like she had to impress or entertain.

She was going to miss her chats with the teacher but she didn’t let those feelings linger.

Seulgi instead focused on her niece. She was happy to have had the opportunity to know more and more about her each day. She was funny, clever, smart and kind. Clearly none of these traits were from her father, because Seulgi’s brother was a fool who somehow managed to marry out of his league and have an angel for a child.

Her niece was also observant to a fault, having asked her aunt slyly about what Seulgi thought about her teacher. Seulgi deflected, saying Joohyun was nice and that she seemed like a good teacher. Eunae just giggled.

But around the dinner table with her brother, his wife and Eunae, well, Seulgi had to deal with more teasing.

“Whenever gomo would come, she’d always talk to seonsaengnim the whole time!”

“Hey, you’re supposed to be watching my child, not flirting with the teacher!” her brother chided in between bites.

“We were not flirting!” Seulgi grumbled in her seat. “I was just being friendly.”

If her sister-in-law wasn’t such a great cook, Seulgi would’ve been out the door immediately.

“Don’t worry, gomo, I won’t tell anyone you have a crush on my teacher. She’s nice, every boy has a crush on her.”

“I’m not a boy, Eunae,” Seulgi huffed, playfully ruffling her niece's hair.

“She does act like more of a samchon, doesn’t she Eunae?” her brother asked, swatting Seulgi’s hand away from his daughter’s head.

Her brother and niece went to a fit of giggles, before, thankfully, her saint of a sister-in-law came to her defense and ended the teasing.

Okay, Eunae seeming to enjoy teasing Seulgi? That was a trait she got from her father.

But Seulgi had to admit to herself - there was something about Joohyun. A connection that kept the thought of Joohyun in the back of her mind, popping up at random times. She’d barely known the woman and she couldn’t stop thinking about her. She hadn’t felt this need to get to know someone like this...well, ever.

But it was not like Seulgi ever had the time or luck in these cases anyway.

Time, because Red Velvet were always kept busy.

Luck, because women like Joohyun were never into women.

Luck, because women like Seulgi would never be able to be in a happy, fulfilled relationship because of her status.

Only a few people - her family, a few friends, her members, and the few exes she had (just two women, who thankfully respected her to not tell anyone), knew she was gay.

The world wasn’t ready for an out Idol yet. Not in Korea. Not yet. Someday - but probably not her, and definitely not while she and her members were riding a peak of popularity.

\--

Just a couple days before she and her members left, Seulgi and Yeri were at the market, in charge of getting snacks for the trip (emergency ramyun, for when they were inevitably at a venue with nowhere to go). Yeri started to put a concerning amount of pepero into their shopping cart, but before Seulgi could (half-heartedly) object (she wasn’t a monster), she looked down the aisle and saw her.

Seulgi’s body reacted before she even realized who it was. She felt her heartbeat pound a little stronger, her palms clam up, and her cheeks flush.

Joohyun.

For a split second Seulgi thought it was a mirage, a vision - or that nagging Joohyun-shaped bubble that kept popping up in her head had manifested itself in human form in front of her.

She had half the mind to ignore her.

Before she could even stop herself, she pulled down her mask and called out, “Joohyun-unnie?”

Joohyun turned - having her big eyes look back at her was enough to make her knees buckle a little. Seulgi strengthened her grip on the cart.

“Seulgi?”

Joohyun looked surprised - which was a common reaction whenever Seulgi would drop her ‘disguise’ (a mask and a hat) in public - but happy to see her. And not in the usual way people were happy to Seulgi, but in a sincere, warm way that Seulgi wasn’t sure she was ready for. She nudged Yeri.

“Yeri, this is Eunae’s teacher, Joohyun.”

“Hi seonsaengnim,” Yeri said, briefly taking her eyes away from the racks of cookies. A flash of realization came over Yeri’s face, and she grinned properly - deviously. “Eunae’s told me a lot about you, actually!”

Seulgi made the mistake to have Yeri join her at dinner with her family. Yeri was great with kids and not surprisingly, she got along well with her brother - so they filled her in on Seulgi and the teacher.

It was a particularly savage night but Seulgi got through it somehow.

“Good things, I hope?” Joohyun asked.

“Of course! Actually, I bet you’re a great teacher. Eunae’s become quite a storyteller and she tells the best stories. Stories about clumsy dancing bears lumbering into rabbit dens and...charming the little cute bunnies.”

Seulgi did a double-take, incredulous. She hoped Joohyun didn’t know anything about her public comparisons to bears.

“What are you talking about, Kim Yerim!” Seulgi exclaimed.

“What?! I’m just saying, seonsaengnim has taught Eunae well!”

Seulgi rolled her eyes. “Go choose your snacks, Yeri.”

“No, I’m fine here,” Yeri answered, her attention back to Joohyun. To the teacher’s credit, she didn’t whither the way that most people (well, just Seulgi) did when catching Yeri’s attention.

“Eunae mentioned that you were going on tour soon?” Joohyun asked.

“A few weeks around Asia,” Yeri answered.

“We’re shopping for snacks for the trip.”

“Are you picky eaters?”

“No - just sometimes no matter where you are, you just need good ramyun and cookies.”

Joohyun’s eyes widened. “None of you look like you eat cookies and ramyun. You’re so fit!”

“Oh,” Seulgi blushed. “No, it’s just the shadows on stage.”

“Right,” Joohyun sarcastically agreed.

Seulgi shyly added, “I also dance a lot.”

“And it works.” Joohyun’s eyes twinkled and Seulgi swore she checked her out. Maybe.

Yeri cleared her throat. The smirk on her face made Seulgi want to cower.

Oh right. Yeri was there too.

“So, Seulgi-unnie is single,” Yeri offered randomly, much to Seulgi’s horror.

“Omo, Kim Yerim!!” It was the second time in a few minutes that Seulgi used Yeri’s full name. She hoped it would assert some sort of sternness. It didn’t work; Yeri grinned back.

Fortunately, Joohyun didn’t seem to mind Yeri’s lack of subtlety. “Don’t worry, Seulgi. I’m sure that your fans would be happy to hear that.”

“She’s very single,” Yeri added.

Seulgi huffed. “Just single, I don’t think ‘very’ is a necessary descriptor.”

“Too many have tried, but she’s still looking for ‘The One,’” Yeri continued, as if Seulgi wasn’t there. “She’s a romantic and has a really specific type: small, soft spoken, doe-eyed kindergarten teachers-“

Seulgi had enough - she hip bumped Yeri (not too hard, because Yeri was stronger than her and would definitely retaliate).

“Why are you like this?!”

Again, Yeri ignored Seulgi’s outburst.

“What is it that you do again?” Yeri’s asked, as if they hadn’t established who exactly Joohyun was mere minutes ago. “You’re Eunae’s...teacher?”

Seulgi swore she could see little devil horns growing out of Yeri’s forehead.

“Yes, I’m a kindergarten teacher,” Joohyun softly answered, blushing a little. She turned to Seulgi, and seemed to take pity on the squirming woman. “I’m quite tall though. Sorry, Seulgi”

The two laughed so hard at poor Seulgi’s expense. Seulgi had a brief fantasy where the ground opened up beneath her and swallowed her up.

Ah. If only.

Joohyun glanced at her watch.

“Oh no - I have to go - I’m meeting someone tonight and I have to get all these groceries home...” Joohyun said, gesturing to her full cart. She paused, as if second-guessing if she should say her next words. “A friend. I’m meeting a friend. I’m also...single.”

Seulgi felt a little bubble of hope pop up in her chest, where her heart was. Somehow Yeri’s damn shit-eating grin managed to grow even bigger.

“Well, it was really nice meeting you! I hope it won’t be the last!” Yeri winked at Seulgi, but fortunately Joohyun missed it.

“Well, any friend of Eunae’s is a friend of mine. She’s a great student.” She turned to Seulgi and lightly patted her arm. “Sorry for teasing you, Seulgi-ya.”

Seulgi blushed even more, which concerned her slightly that blood was not going to her other organs and was just flooding her face.

“It’s fine. Yeri’s paying for everything today.”

She elbowed Yeri for good measure, earning her a yelp and a harder shove from the maknae. The little pain was worth it with Joohyun’s laugh and the cute way she covered her mouth with her tiny hand.

“I’ll see you next time you pick-up Eunae. Tell her I say hello if you’re seeing her this weekend.”

“Uh, yeah. Likewise! I mean, I’ll see you next time. Not that I say hello her. That you say hello to her,” Seulgi answered. Then she just kept talking. “I see her all the time. I’ll tell her I say hello myself. But also that you say hello. You could say hello to your friend from me, when you see them. I don’t know them though, so maybe that would be weird. You know, I’ll just stick to saying hello to Eunae for you.” Oh god, she realized was gesturing a lot, why was she using her hands so much, who was she, Wendy?! Now Joohyun’s eyebrow was raised. “I’m actually going to see her tonight. Quality niece time! I will pass along your message! That you also tell her you say hello. She’ll like that.”

A pause. And exhale.

Yeri looked confused and a little embarrassed. Joohyun also looked a little shocked, but she smiled politely.

Seulgi visibly cringed at herself. It was this awkward thing that Seulgi did, when she was flustered - she was the queen of TMI and she just couldn’t stop.

Thankfully, they said their goodbyes - Seulgi didn’t continue with the verbal diarrhea - the members finished their shopping.

Well, Seulgi finished. Yeri’s attention was on bullying her leader instead.

“No jam,” Yeri needled.

“Shut up.”

“Seriously, unnie.”

“Yermie, stop,” Seulgi whined, all dignity flying out the window as she tried aegyo on her.

Yeri was unfazed.

“You’re paying for all of this, since you made me watch that conversation.”

“Yeri!”

They made quick work of their last items and were soon pushing their cart out to the parking lot to Seulgi’s car. Yeri had not yet let up her teasing.

It was like Seulgi was just brought to this planet to be bullied by her loved ones.

“I’m beginning to think this is why you’re single - you’re not selective, you’re just terrible at flirting.”

“I wasn’t flirting.”

“You’re right,” Yeri agreed, pointedly. Suddenly she stopped, causing Seulgi to bump into her back.

“Careful!” Seulgi exclaimed.

“Look, she’s over there!” Yeri said, pointing at Joohyun, who was loading her own car with bags of groceries. “Go get her number!”

“What?! Why?”

“Because you’re like a teenager with a crush!”

“She’s not even gay!”

“Please, unnie, you have no gaydar. Useless lesbian, why are you like this?! Give me your keys and I’ll put these away. And I’ll lock you out if you don’t show me proof that you have her number.”

Yeri grabbed Seulgi’s purse and pushed her leader forward. “Seonsaengnim! Joohyun-unnie!”

Yeri quickly pushed the cart away, leaving Seulgi standing in the middle of the lot, the lone person surrounded by parked cars. She could hear Yeri’s cackle in the distance.

“Seulgi!” Joohyun yelled, looking up. Seulgi had no choice, and jogged toward her, making sure her mask and hat were in place. She didn’t need Yeri’s loud mouth alerting every Dispatch reporter to what was going on.

“Hi! Sorry. Yeri’s being...Yeri. Can I help you put away your groceries?” Joohyun thanked her for her offer and they both started placing the bags in, finishing in no time.

“So you can say no,” Seulgi began, sheepishly scratching the back of her neck, “and I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable or if I’m misreading this situation but…”

Joohyun’s eyebrow raised. “Yes?”

“Can I call you sometime?” Seulgi felt more nerves than she had in a long time, not since one of her first times on stage.

“What?” 

Seulgi was disappointed, seeing Joohyun’s eyes widen. She backtracked quickly.

“Uh, because you know Eunae so well,” she added, thinking on her toes. “Her birthday is coming up and I’ll be on tour and I won’t have a lot of time to find something. And my brother gives me a hard time because I gave her a really bad present last year. So maybe you could help me?”

If Seulgi didn’t know any better, she’d think Joohyun looked disappointed. But she knew better.

“Of course! Anything to help. Give me your phone, I’ll put my number in.”

Seulgi exhaled in relief, then reached for her phone - and remembered Yeri took her bag. “Um, actually? Can I give you my number? Yeri has my phone, that kid…”

The teacher laughed and handed her phone over.

—

The next day, Seulgi found herself at the mall with Joohyun. She’s not sure how she found the courage to text her, but here she was.

Even though Yeri took a chance, being so blatant with what she was doing, Seulgi had to admit, she had good instincts with people. If Yeri could speak candidly with someone, that usually meant they were trustworthy. While Seulgi was a little on edge, she didn’t see any reports about her awkward flirtations in grocery stores.

Seulgi’s disguise of her mask and baseball cap was back on, obscuring her face and ensuring they wouldn’t get any unwanted attention, just in case.

The conversation flowed between the two, which surprised Seulgi. She was usually not great one-on-one, with even her closest friends. But fortunately, it was easy to talk to Joohyun.

“What did you get her for her last birthday?” the teacher asked as they walked towards the toy store.

Seulgi winced. “Okay, before I tell you, just know that I was busy and we just got home from a tour and I didn’t have a lot of time. And I’m not really the best at buying gifts anyway.”

Joohyun nodded, expectantly.

“I got her a gift card.”

Thwack. “Ow!”

Seulgi rubbed her arm where Joohyun hit her. For a tiny person she was surprisingly strong.

“You got a child a gift card?”

“I told you I was bad at it! You don’t have to get violent…”

“Well you’re lucky I am an expert at giving gifts,” Joohyun declared, ignoring Seulgi’s latter comment. “Okay, let’s start your education.”

“Yes seonsaengnim, please!” mimicked Seulgi in her best approximation of Eunae’s voice. She earned a pat on the head from the teacher.

“Well, thoughtful gifts are best. Gifts that give you good memories. Gifts that remind you of important people or things. Gifts that are based on what their interests are.”

“So not gift cards.”

“You’re a fast learner,” Joohyun said, sarcastically. “You want to find something that you can look at and know immediately that they’re going to love it.”

They entered the toy store and started down the aisles with stuffed animals. Seulgi picked up a few but ultimately put them down. Based on Joohyun’s description, these weren’t right…

“What’s the best present you ever received?” Seulgi asked, curious. “I assume you’re an expert because you’ve gotten the perfect gift?”

“I come from a long line of great gift givers, you’re right.” Joohyun smiled. “When I turned ten, I my parents got me a Polaroid camera.”

“They’re great for capturing memories.”

“They are. But I mostly just took pictures of the same thing.”

“What?”

“The sky. I love it. Like when the sky is pink and purple and orange at sunset. Or when the clouds are like paint brush strokes over blue skies. I love how it’s different every day, but it’s also the same everywhere you go. We only have one sky.”

“I never thought about it that way.”

“My parents got me the camera because I loved staring up and I’d try to colour it, but I’m a hopeless artist and I would just get frustrated. So I took pictures instead. And I still have the camera! It doesn’t work but it’s important to me still. Plus I have my phone for pictures now.”

“That’s really sweet, Joohyun-unnie. I’m going to make it my goal to find a present that Eunae loves so much, she’ll keep it for the rest of her life too.”

Joohyun grinned then laced her arm through Seulgi’s. It surprised Seulgi, until she realized she was being led to a particular part of the store - the arts and crafts section.

“Have you always been close to your niece?” Joohyun asked, letting go to browse.

“No. I wasn’t around much when she was born because I was so busy training. Then the older she got, I was too busy with work. I’ve been trying to make more of an effort with her now though, because... I don’t know how long we’ll be popular for. And if it ended tomorrow, I wouldn’t want to regret missing what was most important.”

“Like your niece.”

Seulgi nodded.

“Plus, you’ve met Yeri. Sometimes I just have to get away, because she and Sooyoung are terrifying.”

The teacher laughed.

“You’re not what I expected, Seulgi.”

“What? I’m not foolish enough to stare down two Satans.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes.

“Not that. Just… the more I learn about you, the more you surprise me.”

“In a good way?”

“Definitely,” Joohyun grinned.

“Now,” the teacher picked up a box and handed to the Idol. “How about this?”

Seulgi took a closer look - it was DIY ukulele kit. You could assemble it yourself, decorate how you wanted, and it came with a songbook, so you could learn how to play it.

“She wants to be just like you,” Joohyun explained, leaning against her shoulder to look at the box with her. “She’s an artist like you are and she loves music, so it combines all those things she loves.”

Seulgi tore her eyes from the kit. “How do you know about my art?”

“I might...follow Red Velvet on SNS,” Joohyun admitted.

“So you’re a fan?” Seulgi teased. “Are you a Reveluv?”

“Omo, this is why Wendy’s my bias,” Joohyun mumbled, pushing Seulgi playfully.

“Ouch, what?” Seulgi clutched her chest, pretending she was hurt by Joohyun’s joke. (She was joking, right?)

“I’m just teasing, Seulgi,” Joohyun placated. Then her smile shifted - then she almost bared a striking resemblance to her maknae, when she was acting particularly mischievous. “I like Joy the most.”

Seulgi’s pout earned her a playful hug from Joohyun - she was okay with being bullied by her if she got hugs out of it.

After making the purchase - Joohyun found the perfect gift - the two shared a pizza at the back of an Italian restaurant.

If Seulgi had to describe how she felt with Joohyun, she would’ve described it as ‘natural’. They had a good chemistry with one another - they had a lot in common and a similar way of seeing the world. It was also nice for Seulgi to be around someone who thought she was funny. She had a no jam reputation for a reason.

The two indulged a little - reaching the last few slices of pizza, with neither of them slowing down. Seulgi looked around the restaurant and found that they were nearly alone. A few people were in there, but on the other end, near the windows.

“Sorry - I know most people want to sit near the window, and have a meal with someone who isn’t covering their face…”

“Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun interrupted. “I don’t mind. I understand, you’re a public figure. You just want to eat, you don’t want an audience.”

Seulgi appreciated the understanding.

They finished the last slices in comfortable silence, both full and satisfied, when Joohyun spoke up.

“Can I ask a personal question?”

Seulgi nodded. She knew she could trust Joohyun with whatever she wanted to ask.

“Eunae said the other day that wants to be an Idol like you. But would you want that for her? The life of an Idol?”

Seulgi thought for a moment, reflecting on the circumstances.

“Well, if I weren’t an Idol, we could be sitting in the front of the restaurant. I could take my mask, hat and hood off. I’d be comfortable and not care who could see me, because it wouldn’t matter who I was. I could order the pizza and the French fries and the Coke and dessert and not feel shame about it.

“But if I weren’t an Idol, I also wouldn’t be able to sing and dance, and make music. I wouldn’t be able to meet amazing people and hopefully inspire them every day. I wouldn’t have my members and their friendship. I wouldn’t have the financial security that I’ve been able to provide my family. I wouldn’t be who I am, in a lot of ways.

“Plus, if I weren’t an Idol, I doubt I’d be interesting enough to catch your attention.”

“What?” Joohyun laughed. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re an accomplished, functional adult. And without singing and dancing, I don’t know what I’d be doing. Circus performer? Like, maybe a clown?”

“Seulgi, you have no idea, do you?” Joohyun asked. She looked incredulous. “You’re… fascinating. You’re one of the most interesting women I’ve ever met, and I don’t mean your job.”

If Seulgi weren’t an Idol, she might’ve given into the suddenly urge to take Joohyun’s hand in hers. But she couldn’t do that.

“I just want Eunae to grow up happy,” she finally answered. “She should be happy with who she is and free to be who she is. If she’s happy and free and an Idol, well, I’ll need her to give me some tips.”

“So you’re not those things?” Joohyun asked, her question so quiet, Seulgi almost didn’t hear it.

“I’m getting there. One day, I hope.”

Joohyun - finding the bravery that Seulgi was searching for - took hold of her hand and briefly gave it a squeeze before pulling away. “I hope so too. You deserve good things.”

They finished their meal, quietly, both seeming to be lost in their own thoughts. Seulgi was concerned she said too much, but she’d occasionally catch Joohyun staring - and the admiration in her eyes was unmistakable.

After a brief argument over who paid - Seulgi felt pretty smug that she managed to pay before Joohyun could pass over her own card - the two made their way to their respective cars. They reached Joohyun’s first.

“She’s going to love this,” Seulgi said, lifting the bag containing the ukulele inside. “Thank you for today, Joohyun-unnie.”

“Of course. It was fun.”

“Even though I’m not your bias?” Seulgi teased, hoping to lighten the heavy mood that surrounded them.

“Oh, Seulgi,” Joohyun began, before throwing her arms around Seulgi in a surprise hug. She quickly wrapped her arms around her, willing her heart to slow down and hoping that Joohyun didn’t feel it beating against her. She especially hoped that Joohyun felt how perfect she felt in her arms. “You just might beat Yeri as my bias!”

Seulgi had a crush on a damn comedian it seemed.

—

The members of Red Velvet had an unspoken agreement. Unless they had absolute privacy - just the four members with no ‘outsiders’ - there were certain things the girls wouldn’t talk about. Their dating lives - and especially their sexualities - was off the table. They never took any chances with what could be overheard, and while they were on tour, surrounded by staff at all hours, there wasn’t an opportunity to talk.

But if she could, she would. She’d be asking the girls for advice about how to deal with a girl. She could just imagine their advice.

Pragmatic but empathetic Wendy, would encourage her to learn more about Joohyun, to get more information directly, but indirectly. “Find out how she feels about gay people. Does she know who Ellen Degeneres is? Has she seen The Handmaiden?”

Sooyoung would probably have more “confidence” in Seulgi’s skills. “Look her in the eyes. Tell her you think she’s hot. Ask if she wants to make-out. You’re hot, Seulgi-unnie. If she’s smart, she’ll say yes.”

And Yeri. Well, Yeri got her in this mess in the first place.

The thing is, Seulgi had struck up a friendly text conversation with Joohyun, so she supposed she had Yeri to thank for this mess.

Red Velvet had been on tour for one week now - they just left Bangkok and were now in Tokyo, beginning the last leg of their Asian tour. For as long as they’d been away, a random conversation with Joohyun had been going.

While they were always 100% supportive, sometimes even her friends and family would be a little too impressed with Seulgi’s life. It was nice for Seulgi to have a friend who didn’t care about the fame, someone who was more concerned about her.

Seulgi found she could talk to Joohyun about anything - and she wanted Joohyun to talk to her about anything. The different but delicious food she was trying in each new city. The weird things Wendy would talk about in her sleep. The savage but hilarious pranks Sooyoung and Yeri would play on each other.

And Joohyun’s stories would always brighten her day. The funny stories of her students, her adventures exploring Seoul, and her terrifying (to her, but endearing to everyone else) encounters with the puppies who lived in her apartment building.

And every morning, they’d text each other a picture of what the sky looked like outside their window. Seulgi told Joohyun she wanted to share something that she knew Joohyun would enjoy.

Every day, Seulgi’s sky looked different - new sights, new cities. Every day, Joohyun’s looked the same - same view, same angle. But there was something comforting about Joohyun’s stability.

They shared their mundane, everyday lives with each other, and even though there was a contrast in how they spent their days, they felt like equals.

The latest text, however, kept Seulgi staring at her phone, wishing she could ask her members - any of them - for advice. She had texted Joohyun that she was feeling homesick, to which Joohyun replied:

“Remember, Seul. There’s only one sky.”

Seulgi needed advice, because she couldn’t help but think of Joohyun when she thought of home.

—

“Don’t you have a job?”

Seulgi’s first stop when they got back to Seoul was to her dear stupid brother’s house to see her niece and her sister-in-law (definitely not the oaf who managed to con her parents into thinking he was her brother). Unfortunately, it was her brother who greeted her at the door, with a hug, a noogie, and another hug.

“I missed you too,” she replied, deadpanned. “Now move, I have gifts for the girls, but none for you.”

(She lied, she always brought her brother presents.)

Going on tour was really Seulgi’s favourite thing in the world - meeting all the fans, performing every night, being with her members. But there was nothing like hearing the litter pitter-patter of her niece's feet as she ran to give her a big hug.

She handed out the souvenirs, with Eunae on her lap. Thanks to Joohyun’s advice, Seulgi did a pretty got job. She brought toys from Japan for her niece and special scents and candles from Thailand for her sister-in-law. Seulgi managed to discreetly hand her brother a barrel man from the Philippines (she heard his little giggle from the next room over, as he discovered what it was), while her niece was engrossed in catching her up on the latest in the kindergartener’s life.

The latest move she learned in her ballet class. Her newest drawing of a cat - her single line method was improving. And of course, the gossip spreading on the playground at school. Her stories were adorable to listen to, but it was hard to follow with all the names and bombastic (probably untrue) stories that her niece was able to stir up from her imagination.

“And then after the bear chased the dragon away from the bunny family, we had phys ed and then Minjin said that he and Doyun saw ssaem with her boyfriend!”

“Wait what?”

“Minjin and Doyun-“

“Your teacher has a boyfriend?” Seulgi repeated, her stomach dropping a little. She knew that six year olds weren’t necessarily the best source for reliable news and information, but still.

She was sure the upset was shown on her face, because her brother and sister-in-law both gave her looks of concern.

“A boyfriend!” Eunae continued, waving around the kendama Seulgi brought her. “He’s another teacher at school. They said they saw her hugging him!”

“Aigoo, Eunae!” her sister-in-law reprimanded. “What did we say about gossiping?”

Her niece looked appropriately chastised. “It’s not good.”

“Yeah, Eunae,” her brother spoke up. “It’s better to tell nice stories, like the ones about the bunny and the bear. Not stories about real people, like gossip, right?”

“Right, appa.”

Seulgi smiled at her brother. He was a good dad. As much as she liked to pick-on him, he was a good influence on Eunae.

“Don’t go spreading rumours about your gomo’s crush!” he finished, with a smirk.

Eunae and her sister-In-law couldn’t help but laugh. Seulgi looked at her brother's wife incredulously - the betrayal!

Seulgi rolled her eyes. “I will take back everyone’s presents.”

Everyone just laughed harder at her empty threat.

Later, when her sister-in-law was putting Eunae to bed, Seulgi and her brother caught up on each other’s lives. Naturally, the subject of Seulgi’s (lack of) dating life came up - in particular, Joohyun.

“Are you going to pursue anything with her?” He asked, after Seulgi confided to him about her deepening crush on the teacher.

She emphatically shook her head no.

“No. You know I can’t. Plus I don’t even know if she’s into women.”

“Does she know you are?”

“I’m not sure. Yeri implied some things when we ran into her but I don’t know. I don’t want to assume.”

“You shouldn’t assume she’s straight, either, Seulgi,” he reasoned. He sighed. “You’re giving a lot of thought to a woman you aren’t going to try to date. Maybe you should try to take a step back, if it’s really bothering you. Being an Idol keeps you busy anyway so I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“Yeah…”

“Plus,” he continued, clearing his throat. “This will only add more stress to your already stressful life. I don’t want you to have to deal with more of that.”

It was rare that her brother was sincere with her, so Seulgi knew he was genuinely concerned for her wellbeing. She took it to heart, and promised him that she would try, for her own sake.

—

When Red Velvet were faced with questions they didn’t want to answer, there was standard practice. They’d give a vague answer (‘We like food!’). They’d change the topic (‘Let's go get food!’). Or they’d give a silly answer that was clearly a joke (‘I would marry food!’)

(When in doubt, they stuck to a ‘food’ theme.)

Interviewers were generally good to not get to a point where they made performers uncomfortable - but sometimes Red Velvet had to deal with particularly awkward questions.

The members were on the radio, promoting their upcoming tour video. They had been on this show a few times and the DJ always asked about their dating lives. Usually Seulgi would let the girls take the lead with answering those - they were always less uncomfortable with them, naturally. But today, Seulgi was this DJ’s target.

“There’s a member of Red Velvet who boyband members keep talking about,” the DJ said, after the topic of dating came up. “Seulgi. You have so many famous fans!”

“Me?” Seulgi answered, her stock reaction ready to go. “Oh, wow. Thank you to everyone who has mentioned me. I will do my best to keep impressing you with my singing.”

“Aigoo, she’s heard this a few times, but she acts like she’s surprised every time,” Sooyoung called her out.

“But she looks shocked,” the DJ argued. “Seulgi, you know they don’t just talk about your singing. They say you’re pretty. Do they flirt with you when you see them?”

“No, no, no. Everyone is very respectful.”

Yeri spoke. “Seulgi-unnie is too innocent to notice that stuff. If anyone talks to her, she always thinks they’re just being friendly.”

“Do you have a boyfriend, Seulgi?”

“My focus is on music,” she said, after a brief pause.

To her it felt like hours but to everyone else it was probably not even noticeable - because the DJ continued on, none the wiser.

“Well, what kind of man would make you notice? Give these boyband members some advice!”

Every time she got a direct question like that, the pressure of being in the closet and the fear of being outed would creep up.

Was this a sneak attack? Did he find out? How did he know?!

Yeri started cackling.

“Omo,” Sooyoung said. “Tell them you like it when they give me money.”

“Yeah, me too! We want some of that boyband money,” Yeri joined in.

“I could use more money,” Wendy added.

Seulgi appreciated the deflection. She liked that they talked about money this time, instead of food. They were always keeping Seulgi on her toes, her members.

“Yeah, okay, that,” Seulgi agreed. “Boyband members, please give my members cash.”

“So you want us to tell any male Idols listening right now that they should buy your members gifts if they want to charm you.”

“No gifts, just the money,” Wendy corrected. “These boybands don’t know us and won’t know what to get. We can buy our own stuff.”

“And this will make Seulgi date them? You’re going to sell her?”

“Wait, who said anything about unnie dating them,” Sooyoung argued. “You just asked how to get her to notice the guys. She will notice them when they hand us their money and then she will notice them as they walk away, with less money.”

“And we don’t want unnie to date any boy,” Yeri said, slyly winking at Seulgi. “Once she settles down, they’ll stop giving us money. We’ll never let her date a guy!”

The DJ laughed, satisfied with their answers.

“I can hear the articles being written right now. They are joking, journalists!”

“No, I’m not joking!” Wendy yelled, as the DJ tried to introduce their next song, cracking everyone up.

Seulgi really loved her members. It was totally worth the half-hearted reprimand from their manager later that day when she and her members laughed at him. He was trying to scold them for an article that was titled Red Velvet Try To Sell Their Leader.

—

A few weeks later, after some back-and-forth, Seulgi and Joohyun met up at a small cafe near the dorm. She knew it would be safe to take Joohyun there, as they were familiar with customers like her - it was in a popular area for celebrities, and they understood that anonymity and privacy were key.

After her conversation with her brother, her texts with Joohyun became less frequent. Her brother was right - she had enough to worry about without adding more stress. But what she and her brother couldn’t anticipate were the deepening feelings she’d have for the woman.

It seems as though absence did make the heart grow fonder.

So she sat, and let Joohyun lead the conversation, answering her questions about the tour as best as she could, but mostly just listening to Joohyun’s stories about work.

Well, not so much listening - more like staring longingly at Joohyun’s face, while her internal monologue was reprimanding her for crushing on someone - it was never a good thing when she had feelings involved.

She figured she should listen to what Joohyun was saying, especially since she looked annoyed as she aggressively steeped her tea bag.

“-and the kids saw me help our phys ed teacher a few weeks ago. They keep saying he’s my boyfriend.”

Wait, what?

“Wait, what?” Seulgi repeated, out loud this time.

“And even Eunae was calling him that! She usually doesn’t join in on the teasing. I can’t believe even 6-year-olds are asserting their dominance over me-“

“Well, you are just a tiny bit taller than them-“

Seulgi withered under Joohyun’s glare. She cleared her throat, then asked (her voice coming out a little higher and scared sounding than she intended), “So you don’t have a boyfriend? Because Eunae mentioned it to me when I saw her last.”

“I told you I was single.”

“I just thought- “

“And even if I weren’t, I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a man, much less a 64-year-old man who has no business teaching physical education, the poor guy…”

Seulgi couldn’t helped her shocked reaction, as her eyes widened and mouth dropped.

“Wait so...you’re…”

“Oh!” Realization flashed before her eyes. “I thought you knew,” Joohyun said, shyly.

“I had no idea.”

Yeri was right - she had no gaydar.

“If it makes you uncomfortable…”

“It doesn’t!” Seulgi reassured her. She put her hand over Joohyun’s. The action only served to make the room feel smaller, not that Seulgi minded. “I’m also…”

“You’re…”

“Gay,” she said, in a small voice. It had been a while since she said it, so the word still felt unfamiliar coming out of her mouth. She knew she could trust Joohyun, but out of an abundance of necessary caution, she added, “Not many people know. I can’t go around talking about it. So, please don’t tell anyone, Joohyun.”

The teacher nodded with understanding.

“I understand. I won’t tell anyone,” she said, turning her hand, so it was palm up, so she could hold Seulgi’s in her own. “My family and friends know but I’m not out at work. The principal at the school knows - but no one else. So I understand what it means to have to live your life with a big part of it hidden away.”

Seulgi sighed, relief flooding her.

“I genuinely had no idea about you. Yeri kept calling me a useless lesbian - she says I have no gaydar, and maybe she’s right. We had a choreographer from LA join us, and I thought he was flirting with me, so I went to turn him down, and when he started talking about his boyfriend, I started laughing with relief. He thought I was nuts, probably.”

Joohyun laughed at her clumsy admission. “I thought you knew about me! I just thought maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

“No, it’s silly,” Joohyun mumbled, pulling her hand away. She looked down at her tea.

“What?”

She quirked her eyes up, meeting her gaze.

“I thought you had been flirting with me?”

OH.

“Oh. I mean...I don’t. Usually. Not on purpose. Ever. I can’t date, it’s in our contract,” Seulgi said, fumbling over her words. She was embarrassed that she was so obvious with her feelings. “But even if I could, I couldn’t ever date...a woman.”

“Right.” Joohyun sighed. She fiddled with her napkin, looking dejected, and Seulgi took her hand.

She had half the mind to just throw it all away to get that disappointed look off Joohyun’s face.

“But if things were different…”

“Yeah?” Joohyun’s eyes shone with hope.

Seulgi wished she could give her something, but she knew it would be unfair. Not with how her life was not her own, not when she verged towards feelings that she had never felt before for another person.

It wouldn’t be fair to her, or Joohyun.

“You are an incredible woman. And I’m glad you’re my friend,“ Seulgi said, finally. “I don’t think I could ever be more than that for anyone, not now - maybe not ever. But you’ve become so important to me. And now you know my deepest, darkest secrets.”

“Oh, Seul,” Joohyun sighed, interlacing their fingers. “Likewise. Don’t worry - you can trust that I won’t tell anyone.”

But their ‘friendship’ kept Seulgi up at night with frustration. It was like singing a harmony a half-note off-key. It didn’t work, it took something that could’ve been beautiful and just made it feel...wrong.

Joohyun in Seulgi’s life felt permanent and life-long but at the same time could slip away any minute if she made one misstep.

—

So it turns out that Seulgi hated being friends with Joohyun.

Not that Joohyun was a bad friend - she was great. Their relationship had gone basically unchanged - it was as easy and simple as it was before. Seulgi’s schedule made it a little harder to see her as much as she wanted to, anyway, so maybe it was just the distance that is what Seulgi hated.

Or maybe it was that Joohyun was free to meet whoever she wanted. She was free to text other women. She was free to meet new friends, and decline invitations to hang out with Seulgi, because she had already made plans. Joohyun was free to do whatever.

And Seulgi was free to swipe quickly past Joohyun’s SNS, because it was easier than seeing her posts with beautiful friends who she could be open with.

Because Joohyun wasn’t beholden to Seulgi in any way and Seulgi had no right to feel this way.

Like a fool, Seulgi broke her own heart.

She did her best to make sure no one noticed. She deserved a Daejong for her performance as “Woman Who Wasn’t a Wreck.” To most everyone, she was her usual, charismatic self.

The only people she couldn’t trick were her members. They noticed the little things - her missed queues, subdued personality, her attachment to her phone. They took turns being there for Seulgi in their own ways.

Wendy knew all of Seulgi’s moods. They were like true sisters - she knew how to push her buttons but also how to ease her mind. She was there for Seulgi the best way she could be - with a sympathetic ear and lots of baked goods.

In an alternate universe, Seulgi thinks that Sooyoung would’ve been a perfect wingwoman. She would’ve helped Seulgi’s broken heart by finding her someone new. But they didn’t live in that world - so Sooyoung showed her support with an excess of affection and compliments.

And Yeri, her sweet Yeri, kept her laughing. Funny stories, random videos and general hijinks that kept her thoughts away from longing feelings and focused on the moment, where she could enjoy herself and her time with her girls.

Seulgi was the leader, but she really couldn’t do it without her members.

And slowly, things got better.

—

Soon they were preparing for their next tour. This time it was going to be a whole month away, visiting multiple cities across North America. Every day was filled with vocal training, dance rehearsals and costume fittings to get them ready for the 14-date tour.

Seulgi could think of Red Velvet and Red Velvet alone. She had no time to be preoccupied with her own thoughts and concerns, when so much pressure was on her and her members, they were making history, being one of the few girl groups to have a tour of North America.

She owed it to her members, her fans and everyone who had supported them to put on a great show every night. And even though the pressure was immense, she still got excited at the feeling of being on stage and seeing thousands of people smiling up at her.

Her friendship with Joohyun had actually become a stabilizing force in her life. It’s like Joohyun had a sixth sense for when Seulgi felt overwhelmed - she always seemed to know when she needed encouragement or even a distraction.

She was able to casually text Joohyun and not feel longing or loss. She even kept sending her sky photos. Sometimes they wouldn’t even say anything to each other - just a photo of the sky to let one another know they were okay.

The weeks of rehearsal continued on and it was suddenly a day before they left. Seulgi’s room looked like a disaster zone - luggage open, clothes strewn everywhere, it would be a miracle if she were able to finish packing in time.

Fortunately, when Joohyun heard of her last-minute packing conundrum, she came over to help her organize her mess.

Unfortunately, Sooyoung took it upon herself to give her a hard time. Seulgi should’ve known Sooyoung would act like a protective big-sister, despite being younger.

“What do you think of this outfit, Joohyun-unnie?” Sooyoung held up her phone, to show a recent outfit Seulgi wore on stage. It was shorter and tighter than Seulgi was used to and the Idol remembered being uncomfortable wearing it.

Seulgi furrowed her eyebrows, confused by the random question.

“Why are you asking about it?” The leader asked.

Joohyun placed a nicely-folded t-shirt into the luggage then looked at the picture.

“Seulgi has a nice body,” Joohyun shrugged, “she looks good in outfits like that.”

“So you like it when she shows off her body?” Sooyoung asked, accusatorily.

Seulgi rolled her eyes. “What the heck, Sooyoung?”

Joohyun placed a hand on Seulgi’s arm, to calm her, then idly continued to fold her clothes.

“I remember her telling me that she thought it was too short and couldn’t focus as much on the performance because she was worried the whole time. So even though I think Seulgi-ya looks pretty in anything she wears, including that outfit,” Joohyun then turned to Seulgi and continued, “as long as she’s comfortable and happy with what she has on, that’s all that matters.”

“Hmph.” Sooyoung put down her phone. “Good answer.”

Seulgi shared a smile with Joohyun then put her arm around her for a brief side-hug. “Thank you, unnie.”

They continued to go through Seulgi’s clothes and pack, while Sooyoung sat on Seulgi’s bed and interjected with her opinions and jabs towards Joohyun.

Soon Joohyun handed the last item to Seulgi to pack, and they closed the luggage shut. Feeling accomplished, they decided to reward their efficiency with a movie. Seulgi got up to grab them snacks - but first, she had to go to the bathroom.

She tried to go as quickly as she could, concerned about leaving Joohyun alone with Sooyoung, but she really had to go.

She came back to her room, Pringles and soju in hand, to the sight of Sooyoung and Joohyun breaking an embrace. Joohyun looked at Seulgi, sheepishly with what might’ve been tears welled up in her eyes, but Seulgi couldn’t be too sure because they were quickly blinked away. Sooyoung just beamed at Seulgi, with so much affection and sincerity, it kind of made Seulgi uncomfortable.

How did Sooyoung go from being totally rude to hugging?

Suddenly, Sooyoung clapped.

“Okay! I’m done. I like you, Joohyun-unnie. I’m sorry I was mean to you tonight and I hope we can be friends in the future!”

Joohyun nodded and smiled back.

“I’ll finally leave you two alone. Have fun!” Sooyoung gave one last wink to Seulgi before shutting the door behind her.

“What did I miss?” Seulgi asked, bewildered. “Was she weird?”

Joohyun shook her head. “No, don’t worry. She was sweet. She’s very protective of you, that’s all.”

They sat on her bed and she grabbed her laptop. She looked over at Joohyun as she settled herself against Seulgi’s pillows.

“If she said anything that made you uncomfortable…”

“Seulgi, don’t worry about it. We agreed that it was a private conversation so I can’t tell you.”

“You’re sure she wasn’t rude? I can talk to her. I know she’s pretty intimidating.”

“She is a little, isn’t she?” Joohyun acquiesced.

“She terrifies me. I’ll defend you to her though, if she did anything more annoying than what I saw tonight.”

“It really wasn’t bad. She just wants what’s best for you and we have that in common. We bonded over that.”

“I don’t even know what’s best for me, how would you two?” Seulgi joked.

“I think you do, Seul,” Joohyun said, linking her arm in Seulgi’s and resting her head on her shoulder. “Like right now, what’s best for you is that you put on that movie you’ve been asking me to watch, even though it looks like it’ll give me nightmares..”

Seulgi liked how Joohyun fit against her, that she let her evasiveness go. For now.

“And you leave me tomorrow, so I won’t have anyone to protect me if I do.”

Plus she really wanted to watch the movie if it meant Jooyhun would be clingy with her all night.

“Don’t worry, Hyunnie. I got you.”

—

“Gomo, what time is it there?”

Seulgi was alone in the room she shared with Wendy in a hotel in downtown Los Angeles. Holding up her phone, she saw the happy faces of her brother and niece looking back at her.

“It’s almost 16:00 here. Are you getting ready for school?”

“I’m all done! I don’t have to leave for another-“ Seulgi watched her niece count the minutes on her little fingers. “Ten minutes!”

“Oh good, I called you right on time then! How have you all been?”

“Good. Eunae keeps singing your new song. She really likes the screaming part, right Eunie?” Her brother answered. It make Seulgi proud to know her family was enjoying her group’s music. “The music video scared her a bit, but then I explained to her that the wolf wasn’t real.”

Eunae nodded, seriously. “It’s not real, right?”

Seulgi beamed. “It’s not real, don’t worry! We were just acting.”

“Joy-unnie’s hand is fine? It wasn’t really bitten?” Eunae asked, needing the confirmation for herself.

“She’s fine. I’ll text your dad a picture of her and her hand later and he can show you, okay?”

“Okay. But I’ll need to see the picture.” Eunae’s concerned little face told Seulgi that she wouldn’t quite believe her without the proof.

“Anything else new with you two?”

Eunae looked at her dad, as if asking permission. She seemed like she was bursting with news but she needed to know it was okay to share it. He shrugged and told her, “Fine, tell her what you told me. But don’t tell your mom, she doesn’t like it when we gossip.”

“What?” Seulgi asked, ready for a new tall tale about the Bunny and the Bear.

“Ssaem has had a different picture on her phone screen every day, and I noticed and I asked what it was, and she said they were pictures you sent her! Of the sky!”

Seulgi was stunned. “Really?”

“Yes! She said the sky made her feel happy and loved.”

Seulgi looked at her brother, who nodded. “I noticed it too when I picked her up from school. You sent me a similar one a couple days ago of the sky from Seattle, right? And yesterday was from LA? Her’s looked familiar, so Eunae asked.”

Seulgi had mentioned that she was texting Joohyun to her oppa, but not what she was sending. Something squeezed in her chest, like a vice.

It reminded her that while her feelings for Joohyun might’ve been pushed aside, they hadn’t faded at all.

“She’s using the pictures I send her every day? What does that mean, oppa?”

“Seul...I think you know. And for what it’s worth, we think she’d be great for you.”

“But I can’t-“

“I know, Seul. But we just want you to be happy.”

Her brother, as sweet as he was to her niece, was not great with words and affection with anyone else. Seulgi felt her eyes water, tears threatening to fall.

“Oppa…”

He too blinked quickly, then looked down at Eunae.

“Okay, we have to leave now. Say goodbye to your Gomo now.”

Eunae pouted, not really understanding why her aunt and father were both being so weird.

“But I need to tell her more! I didn’t tell her about Somi’s haircut!”

“Eunae, your mom is going to kill me if you’re late for school, come on. Say bye to Gomo.” 

She rolled her eyes - Seulgi got a flash of Eunae’s future at 16-years-old - then she grinned at her through the phone.

“Bye! Love you!”

Two little lips smooched against the phone screen before the call got disconnected, not that Seulgi could register much of anything.

Joohyun...

A card key sliding into the lock of the room took her from her daze.

“Seul? We have to leave for the venue soon. Manager-oppa told me to get you. He’s trying to find Yeri and Sooyoung, have you seen them?”

Wendy must’ve noticed her expression. Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you okay?”

“How do you know if you’re falling for someone?”

“Oh, Seul,” Wendy sighed, and sat on the bed next to her. “I think you’d know if you were.”

“Then...I am. In love. Or at least I’m getting there..”

Seulgi felt sure. But when her certainty, she felt so lost.

Wendy paused. “Are you going to do something about it?”

“I want to,” she admitted. “But...you know I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“You know why, Wendy.”

“I date. Sooyoung dates. I’m sure Yeri’s phone storage is full with all the people she’s dated and then ghosted. You’re the only one who doesn’t.”

“You know I can’t - what if people found out? What if I ruined the group, what if she ended up not being worth all of this?”

Seulgi’s eyes started to water. As close and candid as she and Wendy were, she had never been able to speak about this with her. She was always so closed off, the shame about her truth stopping her from being truly herself.

Wendy reassuringly put her hand on Seulgi’s knee.

“You could never ruin us, Seul. We love you, so much. If you wanted to take a chance - with her or anyone - we would support you. You’ve sacrificed so much for us as our leader and as our friend. We want you to be happy, that’s all.”

Seulgi sighed.

“She makes me happy.”

“When you talk about Joohyun, something about you shines even brighter,” Wendy revealed. “You don’t need to decide anything yet. We’re not home for weeks, so just think about what I said. You are allowed to be happy.”

They sat in silence, Wendy’s arm around Seulgi’s shoulders as she allowed herself to finally feel the weight of her feelings, her truth, and what that meant.

—

They were more than halfway through the tour. They had just arrived in Miami and Seulgi and her members were immediately drawn to the beach. Even though it was late, a big group of them - members, staff and crew - were laughing and singing, walking down the beach and enjoying each other’s company.

The contrast between the screaming fans during their shows and the cresting waves upon the beach was welcomed.

Every show had been electric so far. The fans were more exuberant than they were used to in Korea. It was like the language barrier caused everyone to show their support in a kind of wild, physical energy every night.

She was also struck by how open everyone was. She had noticed the signs and the pride flags, held by people of all genders, proclaiming their love for the members. It was heartwarming to be in a place that was so open, even if she couldn’t be.

Walking along the shore, as the sun began to set, she looked at the way the sky bled into the sea and thought it was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen.

The only thing that was missing was Jooyhun.

She pulled out her phone and snapped a picture, sending it to the teacher. Joohyun’s response came quickly.

“Sometimes I wish the sky wasn’t so big. I wish I was there with you.”

She wished it too.

—

Toronto inspired Seulgi to take control.

Wendy was home. All these years, away from home and away from family, shaped who she was - fiercely loyal and protective but sometimes withdrawn. Wendy kept her homesickness, her isolation and her feelings of culture-shock to herself most of the time, but the members knew it was hard for her.

Even to Seulgi, she had never fully been able to open up about how difficult life in Seoul was. The leader never really understood until she saw Wendy greet her friends and family for the first time when they reached the venue. When you’re away from home, you value it so much more when you’re in it.

Seeing Wendy take on the day with enthusiasm, as if not wanting a minute of her day to go without gratitude, inspired Seulgi.

Wendy was excited and nervous but ready to have the best performance of her life. She was not going to waste this gift.

Seeing Wendy perform in Toronto was one of the highlights of her career.

So Seulgi decided that she was going to stop repressing her feelings for Joohyun. Joohyun was a gift and she was not going to waste it for a second longer. She was going to make the world a little smaller and make the sky hers.

First though, she’d start with a video call.

11 am in Toronto. Midnight in Seoul.

She didn’t even have enough time to worry if Joohyun was awake, because her call was picked up immediately.

“Hey Seul,” Joohyun’s sleepy voice said. “Everything okay?”

Seulgi swooned at her adorable expression - the only light coming from her phone and the weak lamp on her bedside table. She looked tired, her eyelids heavy, but a small smile still gracing her face.

“I’m sorry - did I wake you? I can call you later, I didn’t realize the time there until it was too late.”

“Don’t you dare hang up. I missed your face and I want to see it. Just don’t look too closely at me, I probably look terrible.”

“Impossible. Even when you’re barely awake with drool running down your chin you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”

Joohyun frantically wiped her face - finding no drool at all, but the glare she gave Seulgi only made her laugh harder.

“That was not nice.” the teacher huffed.

“I’m sorry,” Seulgi pouted. “And also? I missed your face too. So much.”

“The West has made you a sweet talker.”

“Only for you, Hyunnie,” she admitted. And Seulgi grinned, wanting to keep the adorable blush on Joohyun’s cheeks. “I missed the rest of you too, not just your face. Your personality is pretty good, I like it a lot.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, thanks.”

“Anyway, I called because I wanted to update you. I get back in a week,” Seulgi said, looking lovingly at the woman over 10,000 kms away.

“Mmmm…” Joohyun stifled a yawn.

”We’ll be busy right away, because of our comeback.”

“Mmmhmm…” 

“But I want to see you as soon as possible.”

“You better. I’m going to feed you. I saw some fancams and I don’t trust that you’ve been eating enough.”

“You’ve been watching our performances?”

“I told you that I missed you! And don’t change the subject. When you get home, I’m making all the food for you. A proper meal.”

“Okay.”

“That was easy. I should’ve demanded more,” Joohyun joked.

Seulgi didn’t laugh - in fact, her eyes softened and felt the need the make Joohyun know just how much she meant to her.

“Anything you want from me is yours, Hyunnie. I think you know that by now.”

“Seulgi-ya...”

“It’s true. I’m yours. If you want.”

Joohyun started back at Seulgi, the shock clear on her face. Suddenly she regretted telling her that. She should’ve waited to say it to her face - the distance, the shoddy wifi and the iPhone screen were not enough. She needed to hold her hand, she needed to really explain her feelings, she needed for Joohyun to know that she was sincere-

Then Joohyun spoke.

“What I want is for you to be home right now. But since you can’t be, I want the rest of your shows to be incredible because you’ve worked so hard, and I want you to enjoy yourself. And when you come home we can...talk about how I’m yours too.”

Seulgi let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She couldn’t contain her wide, bright smile, so full of relief and joy and love.

“I’ll see you when we go home. I’ll go to you as soon as we land. You can make all the food you want and I can tell you how much I love...it. Food.”

“Okay. it’s a date.”

They shared matching grins with each other.

When the group and their team left for the airport later that day, Seulgi’s grin was contagious. Even though Wendy was sad to be leaving once again, she found herself smiling back at her leader.

“What’s gotten into you, Seulgi-ya? You look crazed,” Wendy joked.

Seulgi smiled, her eyes turning into crescents. She’d tell Wendy about Joohyun later, when they were alone and could speak candidly. For now, she shared a part of why she was so happy,

“Last night you were amazing; I’m still so proud of you. You were home and it looked great on you.”

Wendy pulled Seulgi into a boisterous hug (her hugs were never small, despite her tiny frame).

“You sap,” Wendy said squeezing her tightly. “Toronto’s great, eh?”

Seulgi chuckled at Wendy’s Canadianism.

“I understand why home is so important to you.”

\--

As soon as their plane’s wheels touched-down on the ground at Incheon, Seulgi took her phone off airplane mode. She immediately texted her family to let them know she had landed, then she texted Joohyun.

“See you soon.”

She and her members worked it out - she would go with them back to the dorms, then the other three would create a diversion and allow Seulgi to sneak out and take a cab to Joohyun’s.

As promised, Joohyun was making her dinner. For just the two of them.

She was a little jet lagged, but the anticipation of seeing the teacher again was enough to keep her wide awake and full of energy on the ride to Joohyun’s apartment.

She coached herself as she rode up the elevator to Joohyun’s floor.

Say hello. Don’t move too fast. Get a sense of how she feels. Be a good date.

But as soon as Joohyun opened the door, Seulgi blanked.

And they stared.

Seulgi’s tired eyes could look at Joohyun for hours. Her deep, soulful dark eyes. The curve of her lips and her effortless smile. The softness of her jawline. She was perfect, and Seulgi drank in the sight of her, after so long apart.

Joohyun seemed to have been doing the same thing, unabashedly gazing at Seulgi. Then she took a step forward and reached up, caressed the back of Seulgi’s neck, and pulled her into the apartment.

“Welcome home,” she said, bringing Seulgi in close as she walked backwards into the apartment. “We should probably get you in here and the door closed before we make out.”

Joohyun gently pushed Seulgi against the door with her body.

“What?”

And then Seulgi saw stars. Fireworks. Explosions.

Joohyun’s lips on hers, slotted together like two puzzle pieces.

The kiss was soft but firm, shy but confident. It was tentative, at first, the two speaking a language that only they could speak, getting to know how they could make this feeling even more perfect than it already felt.

Kissing Joohyun was more than she had ever imagined.

Seulgi was in love with way her mouth fit against hers. The way she tasted, when she traced her tongue against her bottom lip, exploring her mouth more when she was granted entry. The way Joohyun sighed into her, like she had also been barely breathing until they finally shared their air. The way she trembled a little at the languid pace Seulgi had set.

Seulgi’s hands traced up and down Joohyun’s back, feeling every muscle as she pressed the woman closer to her. Joohyun’s grip on the back of her head, the slight tug on her hair, made her feel like she belonged to the woman.

They belonged together.

Finally, after what felt like both seconds and lifetimes, they broke away, panting into each other’s mouths, Seulgi’s head still clutched in Joohyun’s hands.

They stared at each other for a beat, eyes twinkling, both of them feeling the profound weight of how permanent they felt in each other’s arms.

“We should’ve been doing that sooner,” Seulgi breathed out, toying her nose against the teacher’s.

Joohyun giggled against her lips - it was airy and whispered and so sexy it made Seulgi’s brain malfunction even more.

“Well, we will just have to make up for lost time.”

—

Eunae was over the moon when they told her.

She knew early on that her aunt wasn’t like other people. She was an Idol, and sometimes she wouldn’t be around as much because she was busy, oh and also that one day, she was going to be with a girl, the same way her dad and mom were together.

And there was nothing wrong with that.

When Seulgi and her brother explained it to her, Eunae nodded, seeming to understand but also looking a bit confused. She explained that she was confused that they were making a big deal out of it, then asked if she could go play.

Eunae was wise beyond her years.

They waited until the school year ended, when Eunae was no longer Joohyun’s student, before they told her. Seulgi stopped by for dinner and she brought Joohyun as her guest.

When Eunae saw her former teacher, she seemed to understand immediately. Her favorite teacher ever and her aunt, together? As far as she was concerned, it was a dream come true.

Still, they explained to the child that they were a couple, that yes, two women could be together, and that they made each other happy. They made Eunae pinky swear that she wouldn’t tell anyone, and she promised she wouldn’t.

Seulgi knew they could trust her. Kang’s knew a pinky swear was a sacred oath.

Her parents, brother and his wife were also supportive. They all welcomed Joohyun with open arms, especially Seulgi’s brother and sister-in-law, who both “had a front-row seat to Seulgi’s pining,” as her brother put it.

Her dad joked that was also happy that her members hadn’t managed to sell her off like they said they might. Her mom was struck by how pretty Joohyun was and congratulated Seulgi on finding such a good match.

It couldn’t have gone better and Seulgi was so touched by her family’s unconditional love.

Telling her members was like telling ten Eunae’s.

For as long as they’d known each other, Seulgi had never introduced them to a girlfriend. It was a momentous event, when Joohyun walked through their dorm doorway, not as Seulgi’s friend but this time as her girlfriend.

Their reaction was even more elated than they expected. Joohyun brought food - she nervously held Seulgi’s hand in one and a couple pizzas in the other (as Seulgi advised that the best way to connect with the girls was through their stomachs).

The three other members pushed past her and threw their arms around Joohyun, in a pile of hugs and giggles. They were overjoyed to meet the woman who had, “finally gotten the dumb bear’s attention.”

Thankfully, Seulgi rescued the pizzas from falling.

And while Joohyun had told Seulgi that she was afraid she’d feel like an outsider or that she wouldn’t be accepted as their leader’s partner, Seulgi assured that she had nothing to worry about. And she was right - Joohyun fit perfectly into their group.

She and Wendy both shared a natural instinct to look after the others. They both had a lot in common and bonded over their love for cooking. They both fretted over Seulgi, but in a way that didn’t make either of them jealous.

Of course, Sooyoung and Joohyun had gotten to know each other before. Sooyoung actually admitted that she had told Joohyun, that night before they left for their tour, that she hoped that the two would be together one day.

Yeri and Joohyun bonded, despite their age difference. The two of them laughed unabashedly at each other’s jokes, and Yeri took to calling her and Seulgi her parents.

Joohyun cemented her role as the members’ favourite unnie when she handed each girl a stack of bills each.

“I’m worth ₩50,000 to you people?!” Seulgi whined to her girlfriend as each girl accepted their payment. 

“I know, right? She’s totally over-valuing you,” Yeri said, taking the money eagerly. 

Needless to say, the girls loved Joohyun. 

They had to keep their relationship hidden from everyone else. They were extra careful, Seulgi with an abundance of caution, and Joohyun following Seulgi’s lead.

With their comeback preparations, there was less time for them to be alone. They met when and where they could - near Seulgi’s agency, where she could sneak away quickly, or even on the rare occasion she could pick-up Eunae from school.

Seulgi had a spare few hours so the two found themselves at a cafe near Joohyun’s apartment. They would usually have tried to meet in private - like Joohyun’s apartment - but according to her, it was not suitable for guests. She’d been working on materials for her kindergarten class, and it was an “explosion of construction paper, stickers and glue.”

It was quite busy in the cafe, so Seulgi made sure her mask was on as securely as possible, only slipping it off to devour the cake she and Joohyun were “sharing” (Seulgi accidentally ate most of it). They strategically sat in a corner near the back, with Seulgi’s back to the rest of the coffee shop.

Despite all the precautions it was nice - like they were a regular couple.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re cute?” Joohyun asked, taking a napkin and wiping the bit of frosting that Seulgi had left on her lip, before sliding her mask up for her.

Seulgi’s eyebrows furrowed. “No - I’m sexy and chic.”

Her expression was met with a cackle. “Well, yeah, but you’re also adorable. I totally get the bear comparison. You’re a little fluffy teddy bear.”

Seulgi shook her head. “I’m a ferocious beast.”

She gestured a ‘rawr’ with her hands up, like claws.

“Adorable, like Winnie the Pooh. I want to pinch your cheeks,” Joohyun countered, reaching up to do so. Seulgi quickly (but gently) slapped her hand away, making Joohyun laugh even louder.

“Why do you tease me so much?” Seulgi pouted. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Seulgi realized what she said. They both had matching expressions, eyes wide and surprised.

“You do?”

She blushed, beet red, glad that her mask was covering her face and nodded.

“I do. I love you, Hyun.”

“I love you too, pabo.” Joohyun leaned forward over the table and slid Seulgi’s mask down slightly, to give her cheek a quick kiss, before placing it back on.

—

Their comeback was a success.

It was their second all-kill. Their fastest growing views on YouTube. Their most number ones on different world charts.

And tonight, they won their first show. Seulgi even found the courage to thank “Hyun” when they won. Sure, she buried her name amongst their other thank you’s - songwriters, managers, choreographers - but still.

Her win was also Joohyun’s win.

Joohyun, who had rubbed her shoulders when she was sore from the hours of dance practice. Joohyun, who let her rest her voice, never expecting anything from her, just wanting her company. Joohyun, who was her inspiration when she sang the romantic lyrics, who made her performances even more sincere and meaningful.

And as soon as she could, she went to Joohyun’s apartment. Because as amazing as it was to win - surrounded by her members, their fans, and other artists they respected - she knew she couldn’t celebrate their success without seeing her girlfriend.

She let herself into the apartment, with the spare key that Joohyun gave her, and found the woman she loved watching a replay of their performance on the television.

“Should I be worried that my girlfriend is watching some hot girls on TV?”

Joohyun jumped in her seat and turned around, glaring.

“Omo, you scared me!”

And then she got a pillow thrown at her. Lucky she was such an understanding girlfriend.

“You have a weird way of wishing me congratulations, baby,” Seulgi laughed, throwing the pillow next to her and plopping down on the couch. She switched off the TV.

“Fine.” Joohyun threw her arms around the Idol’s neck, bringing her in for a kiss. “Congratulations, winner who also scared me. Seriously though, I’m proud of you. You girls deserve it.”

Seulgi leaned her head against Joohyun’s forehead.

“Thanks, Hyun. Couldn’t have done it without you.” She pressed their lips together again. “Mmm, and congratulations to you.”

“Me? What did I do?”

Another kiss.

“Wellll,” Seulgi said, drawing out the word, “you get to spend your evening with a top Idol from an award winning girl group.”

She leaned in for another kiss, but Joohyun pulled away slightly.

“Taeyeon is here?” Joohyun grinned, slyly.

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry, you were asking for it with your greasy lines,” she teased. Seulgi accepted the apology kiss that Joohyun playfully pressed to her lips. “‘You get to spend your evening with a top Idol’ \- if you talk like that again, I’m going to look for Taeyeon.”

Seulgi nodded wholeheartedly.

“I will never talk like that again, I promise. It was greasy.”

“Are you really staying the night?” Joohyun asked. She started to play with Seulgi’s hair, which always turned the Idol to putty in her hands (and Seulgi suspected she knew it).

“I am. We don’t have a schedule until tomorrow afternoon and I told manager-oppa that I was going to stay at my parents.”

“You lied?”

Seulgi playfully pouted. “I did what I had to do to see you.”

“Not that \- you’re a terrible liar, I’m surprised he believed you.”

“I’m just going to go home if you keep teasing me like this.”

“Please,” Joohyun pressed a quick peck against Seulgi’s lips. “You’re already home.”

Seulgi grinned, the special smile she just gave Joohyun, full of admiration and love, she felt like she could burst.

“You’re right.”

She traced her fingers up Joohyun neck, feeling goosebumps rise in their wake, then she cupped her cheek.

“We’re alone for once,” Joohyun announced suddenly, both of them very aware that it had, in fact, been the first time it had been truly just the two of them together since they shared their first kiss.

Stolen kisses here and there were nice; but this was nicer.

They were in their own world, the only two people who mattered.

Joohyun toyed her bottom lip between her teeth and her tongue, mesmerizing Seulgi. She really wanted it for herself.

So, leaning down, she took it with her own lips.

It started off slow, the weight of what was going to potentially happen heavy in the air.

Seulgi wanted to. She wanted Joohyun so badly. But she didn’t come here with any expectations and she didn’t know what Joohyun wanted.

Joohyun, of course, knew. Seulgi felt Joohyun deepen the kiss, licking the Idol’s lip and pulling a gasp from her. She took that as her invitation to lick into her mouth, pulling a moan from the singer.

It was a torturously slow pace and it made Seulgi tremble.

“Bedroom?” Joohyun finally asked, panting.

Seulgi responded with a very enthusiastic nod, diving back into their kisses.

They moved through Joohyun’s apartment, stumbling over furniture, articles of clothing being torn off as they ambled to the bedroom.

Seulgi was soon pushed onto the bed with a topless Joohyun straddling her. They both made quick work of the rest of the buttons on the Idol’s shirt, discarding it on the floor along with both of their pants.

In a daze, Seulgi finally took in the sight above her. Joohyun’s parted lips, swollen from their kisses, panting. Her creamy skin, covered by her black matching underwear, that looked ready for her to lick, nip, and mark as her own. The damp spot in between her legs, the way her hips moved slowly back and forth, grinding against Seulgi’s abs, making her own center throb with need.

Joohyun leaned down, diving straight for her neck. Seulgi whimpered at the feeling of her teasing her sensitive skin. A tongue dipped and licked into her collarbones, pulling a loud moan from her mouth.

She needed more.

Seulgi pushed Joohyun off and sat up on her elbows. She then reached behind her and unclasped her own bra, revealing her chest to the woman she loved.

“Fuck. How are you real?” Joohyun asked, in awe.

“I’m wondering the same about you.”

Joohyun leaned down and took a dusky nipple into her mouth and Seulgi groaned. It was like a little shock straight to her core with every flick of her tongue.

Lower, she felt Joohyun straddle her thigh and grind into the muscle. Even with her panties as a barrier, she could feel her wet heat.

Seulgi had enough. She needed to show Joohyun just how much she was hers.

She somehow found the will to pull away from Joohyun again and reached behind her. With one hand she undid the clasp on Joohyun’s bra and tossed it aside.

“You first,” she said, bringing Joohyun under her.

She made quick work of removing her own underwear, then slid her hand down Joohyun’s chest, down her stomach, and over the top of her panties. Joohyun squirmed under her touch. She looked into Joohyun’s eyes, asked, “Can I?”

Joohyun’s nod was desperate.

She slowly hooked her fingers into the waistband and pulled, sliding them off Joohyun’s legs. She reveled in the sight in front of her. Needy, panting Joohyun, naked and staring at Seulgi like she was the world.

Nothing - not a number one, not an award, not a world tour - made her feel as powerful and important as Joohyun did in that moment.

She started slow, with a brief kiss to the teacher's lips, then kissed a path down her body. She paid close attention to Joohyun’s collarbones. Seulgi had always found them to be entirely too sexy. She had stared enough times at them, that she wanted to memorize them with her mouth.

She grinned when she pulled away, noticing a few bruises forming, marking Joohyun as her own.

She kissed down her chest to her breasts and toyed with her nipples in the same way hers had been played with. While she focused on one with her lips and tongue, her fingers mimicked the movements on Joohyun’s other.

Each gasp was better than the last. She wanted more. Needed more.

After paying equal attention to Joohyun’s other breast, she continued kissing down, swirling her tongue around her belly button, then she reached her destination. Joohyun was a quivering mess, which was exactly how she wanted her.

She breathed in deeply, letting Joohyun overwhelm her senses, then licked.

The first taste was addictive. She swiped her tongue through her folds, keeping track of every whimper, moan and groan. She toyed with her clit, wrapping her lips around it, sucking it, flicking it with her tongue - anything to keep Joohyun trembling beneath her.

“Fuck, please. Inside,” Joohyun begged.

She sucked two fingers into her mouth, then slowly slipped them into her. God, she was so wet. She easily found a rhythm, pulsing and curling her fingers in tandem with her tongue, which drew flicks and circles against her bundle of nerves.

Joohyun’s clutch against her scalp was hard, as if desperately holding onto her to keep her from flying off the bed with her shaking hips.

Every moan made Seulgi’s own center throb.

Seulgi sat up a bit, then, with a little effort, as she didn’t want to stop pleasuring her, she managed to lift Joohyun’s legs over her shoulders. The angle made Joohyun choke out a scream, as Seulgi continued her thrusts.

She curled her fingers with a little more force, finding her g-spot inside her and applying pressure to it. She fluttered her fingers and easily added a third, causing Joohyun to moan with each pulse, louder and more frantically.

She kept flicking her tongue, gradually getting faster, using its tip a little firmer, Joohyun’s moans turning into desperate whines.

Right now she lived to make Joohyun feel everything. Feel all the love and pleasure she could.

Then she felt it. The clamp on her fingers, making it harder for her to thrust. Then Joohyun started spasming around her, waves of pleasure coming off her body, squeezing her legs tightly around her head as she came, hard, loud and wet. A strangled “Seulgi!” reverberated through the bedroom, the first spoken words in what felt like forever.

There was honestly nothing sexier than feeling the woman you loved come.

Then she stopped. She lay back down and pulled her legs away from Seulgi’s shoulders, looking up at her in a daze.

Seulgi gently slipped her fingers out of her, sucking them into her mouth and savouring Joohyun’s taste. With a slow swipe of her tongue against her center (earning a loud hiss and shudder from Joohyun) she moved up Joohyun’s body. She trailed kisses up until she reached her lips, earning a shaky kiss back.

“Holy fuck. I’m never letting you go,” Joohyun said, her voice shaky. She pulled Seulgi into a weak hug, still spent from her orgasm. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Joohyun kissed her again, this time sucking Seulgi’s tongue into her mouth, tasting herself.

“Your turn.”

With a strength that surprised her, Seulgi found herself on her back. Joohyun’s eyes, holding so much power over her, stared back as she laid her full length on Seulgi’s own naked body. Their groans mixed as they felt each other fully for the first time.

They kissed languidly, Joohyun’s hands exploring over Seulgi’s chest, toying with her sensitive nipples.

“I’m going to make you come now, okay?” she asked, her tone demure despite her words.

All Seulgi could do was nod, as Joohyun’s mouth trailed down her body.

God, she’d never known a sexier woman.

If she could form any coherent thought after that, she would’ve. Never usually loud in bed (the very limited amount of times she’d done this), she surprised herself with how she became a jumbled mess of moans and gasps as Joohyun worshiped every inch of her body.

Joohyun mixed broad licks of her tongue with targeted explorations, tasting everything that Seulgi had to offer. Joohyun’s tongue the moved to her entrance and dipped in. She swirled it within her and all the singer could do was cry out.

Her tongue was soon replaced with firm, urgent fingers, coaxing with every thrust. Joohyun moved back up, as her fingers pushed and pulled and used the force of her hips to thrust into her with more power. The flat of her palm grinded against Seulgi’s clit. As Joohyun expertly and lovingly fucked her into the bed, she kissed her way to Seulgi’s breasts, sucking and licking at her nipples once more.

She shouldn’t have been so surprised when it came, suddenly, quickly, without warning and with a force she’d never felt before.

Her orgasm made her scream out. She felt Joohyun’s mouth go over hers, kissing her to stifle the sound of her cries, even though it was useless.

She saw galaxies behind her eyelids.

They held each other close, languidly kissing as Seulgi came down from her high.

She was in awe of the woman in her arms. The woman she loved also loved her and they showed it to each other without reservation.

She felt like the luckiest woman in the world.

—

It was a matter of time before other people noticed. It wasn’t on purpose - but with their bond even stronger, they started to become careless.

Their daily staff were the first to catch on that there was something going on with Seulgi and Joohyun. The two were as subtle as they could be, but the two were basically inseparable - they tried to play it off as a friendship, but the more astute staff caught on. No one dared say anything, in case they were wrong, but it was clear with how Seulgi looked and acted around her ‘friend’ that there was something more going on.

Joohyun became a fixture at Red Velvet events that even fans started to recognize her. They assumed she was staff and would greet her with excitement. If she was around, that meant Red Velvet would be out to perform soon. When word got around that she wasn’t staff but instead a teacher, a friend of the group, the rumours began.

It even got to the point where when Joohyun and Seulgi we’re together, the teacher needed to also cover up. Her face always drew attention for its beauty - but next to Seulgi and her striking and recognizable eyes, people noticed them.

On top of that, they had to deal with the long separations. The popularity of the group continued and with that came more opportunities. Weeks apart, days without phone calls and missed texts became the norm. Arguments that stemmed from frustration and separation. When they were together, it was perfect; when they were apart, it was awful.

Seulgi feared that it would be too much for Joohyun. She was not a celebrity and she didn’t ask for this kind of life. If anyone found out their truth, it could do irreparable damage to both of their careers and lives.

Was it worth it, for Joohyun? Sneaking around and lying to people, like they were criminals? Was Seulgi worth it?

These were the kinds of things that kept Seulgi up at night, when the worry would overwhelm her. These were the kinds of things that would spark arguments, when it was easier to fight than deal with insecurity.

Seulgi eventually shared her worries with her girlfriend. She had once again snuck out to Joohyun’s apartment after another late schedule. They were lying in bed, post-lovemaking, with Joohyun tucked into Seulgi’s shoulder. They were always most honest with each other after.

Like the saying said - 2 a.m. knew all secrets.

“If this ever became too much for you, Joohyun, I would understand,” Seulgi murmured into Joohyun’s temple, pressing a kiss after speaking.

“What do you mean?” Joohyun lifted her head from the embrace, concerned. “Is it too much for you?”

“No, no, not at all,” Seulgi answered quickly. She tightened her hold on the teacher. “But I worry about you sometimes. Being with me is hard; my life is not easy.”

Joohyun sighed, dropping her head back on Seulgi’s chest. “I won’t lie and disagree with you. But whenever it's too much, I remember how much I love you. And even though I wish we could do things like other couples could, being with you is worth it.

“I love you and I like you, you know?” Joohyun asked, looking up, searching her eyes. “I’m in love with you but you’re my best friend.”

Seulgi let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“I love you and I like you, too.”

If she lost it all tomorrow, she would be okay with Joohyun by her side.

—

In retrospect, Seulgi was surprised it had taken as long as it did for everything to blow up in her face.

They had made it to nearly a year. Even with Seulgi’s inconsistent schedule, they had a routine. Whenever Seulgi was free - even if it was a late night or early morning, if there was a break to be had, a spare moment - time was spent with her girlfriend. If she wasn’t at Joohyun’s place, Joohyun was at the dorm.

And with the routine, more people began to notice.

Including the press.

They realized they had been caught one sleepy morning, having just gotten back from a short trip away. Four days in San Francisco. A cliche, they knew, but they were excited for a few reasons - the alone time, of course, but even the little things, like being able to hold hands in public, with (what they thought would be) complete anonymity.

They were in a bubble during their time away. They could be open and in love and completely focused on one another.

But the bubble burst. Seulgi’s phone wouldn’t stop ringing. The two tried to ignore it first, wanting to extend their vacation vibes to Joohyun’s apartment, for just one last day, but they couldn’t. Joohyun’s phone started ringing as well - when she checked it, she saw Wendy’s name on the screen.

“Hello, Wendy?”

“Unnie, are you and Seulgi back yet?” Wendy spoke, no greeting returned. She sounded frantic. Joohyun put her on speaker phone. “Manager-oppa is trying to call her, she needs to come to the dorm right away.”

“Wendy, it’s me,” Seulgi answered. “What’s going on?”

She could hear Sooyoung in the background cursing.

“They won’t tell us but Yeri saw some pictures on Twitter of you two and…” Wendy trailed off, like she was trying not upset herself. “You said you would be careful, Seul.”

Seulgi’s stomach dropped.

She grabbed her phone and ignored the dozens of missed calls. She opened Twitter and searched her name.

There they were. A blurry set of photos - just three seemed to have been circulating. They were of Seulgi with a woman, the woman’s face was obscured - but they knew it was Joohyun.

She didn’t recognize where the photos were taken or when - could’ve been any point during the last few months. There was one of them getting into Seulgi’s car. One of them holding hands. One of them standing close; it could be argued that they were about to kiss in the photo.

Speculation was rampant. Who was the woman, people wondered. Guesses, from her members to other Idols, were everywhere.

Her worst nightmare, come true. She was being forced of the closet.

Seulgi got ready quickly and left with a lingering, passionate kiss for Joohyun. It almost felt like it was going to be their last one for a while.

She was going to do everything in her power to not have that be the case.

When she arrived she was taken to the agency, with no time to even see her members. She was brought to a boardroom, with a few people she recognized - the powerful people you never wanted to have a private meeting with and a few others, who identified themselves as lawyers.

A news agency had been following her.

They had been for a while. They had evidence that Seulgi was in a relationship with a woman. They had photos, more than the ones that leaked today and they were demanding payment to keep the rest of them hidden.

If they didn’t comply, they would make their money by selling their newspapers with Seulgi and Joohyun on the cover.

The photos, they claimed, showed them clearly. Revealed Joohyun’s identity and Seulgi’s - in one of the lawyer’s words - “degrading behaviour.”

Seulgi was at a loss, her heart pounded and blood rushing through her veins, like she’d run a mile in a minute.

Many of the people looking at her in the room had known her since she was a youth and joined the agency. Now they all stared at her - some with disgust, some with disappointment and few with genuine sympathy.

Since she was a young trainee, when all she wanted to do was sing and dance and make people happy. Even if it was at her expense. The one time she tried to do something that would make herself happy, she was careless. She was caught. And she let everyone down.

Her phone buzzed in her hand; she hadn’t realized she was still clutching it. She looked down and saw at text from Joohyun:

“No matter what happens, you are my sky. I love you.”

Seulgi clenched her jaw.

No.

She would not let anyone make her regret her relationship.

If her family still loved her, and her members still loved her, and the love of her life was still committed to her, she could fight.

She would fight to be happy.

Seulgi sat up straight and corrected the lawyer who spoke.

“You mean my ‘loving, committed relationship’?”

The person bristled.

“My privacy has been violated and you’ve called me here to reprimand me and punish me. Well, let’s hear it. How much trouble am I in? And what are my options?” Seulgi asked, defiantly staring down each member of the room.

Her agency told her they wanted to keep the photos hidden and demanded Seulgi end her relationship. They threatened her with their own lawsuit, as she violated the terms of her agreement. She was in a relationship, one that wasn’t sanctioned, one that she hadn’t disclosed. One that was “not natural.” They threatened her with termination of her contract, that she would be blacklisted. That the world didn’t want an out Idol.

With all the strength she could muster she took control of the meeting. She bristled at their threats and called their bluff.

It was a risk that somehow paid off.

She argued as hard as she could for her members.

She argued for her love.

(She was terrified, but didn’t show it. Yeri would’ve been proud.)

Finally, an agreement was made.

\--

The photos were released.

Their lawyers crafted a statement - written by one of the sympathetic members of the legal team. It was succinct, vague and welcomed no further questions.

“SM respects the personal lives of their artists. As such, SM will not be making any statements that would compromise their artists' privacy and the privacy of non-public people in their artists lives.”

Seulgi wrote her own statement. It was approved by the lawyers, tweaked here and there, but the statement was also brief.

“Yes, I am in a relationship and I am happy. Thank you to all of you who will continue to support Red Velvet. We will keep working hard for you.”

Somehow her career survived, more or less unscathed. She was thankful.

Her family’s unconditional love remained unwavered. They noted the weight off her shoulders, one she had been carrying since she was a child. Eunae, still flabbergasted that it was a big deal to begin with, was just happy to see her aunt smiling more.

Her members gave their support, openly and publicly. They were proud of their leader, their unnie, their sister. They were there for her when she was upset by people’s harsh words and judgements. They defended her with everything they had, if anyone dared say anything to them.

There were repercussions. The loss of some endorsement deals. The loss of some tours in more conservative cities and countries. The loss of some fans.

But as far as she and her members felt, good riddance. They gained so much more than they lost, in new fans, new interest and a renewed commitment to one another as family more than members.

She never knew how much love she had until she almost lost it all.

And her relationship with Joohyun got even better.

Seulgi had been worried for Joohyun, but the revelation of their relationship did not affect her as negatively as she feared it would. Joohyun was able to keep her job; it helped that she was well-liked by students and teachers alike, but it was never a question for the principal.

Since she was out to her friends and family already, the only surprise came when they found out who her girlfriend was.

They made their trip to the Bae house in Daegu soon after the pictures were released. She wasn’t initially a welcomed suitor for Joohyun - not because she’s was a woman, but because she was an Idol. The attention was uncomfortable for Joohyun’s parents and sister, who worried for their daughter. They eventually came around though - it was clear to anyone that Seulgi would do everything in her power to protect Joohyun.

(And their love for each other was almost palpable to anyone who was around them. Joohyun’s family could not deny their daughter’s happiness.)

The thing Joohyun wasn’t fond of were the flashing cameras and yelling from fans and photographers. It would scare her sometimes, when they were out - in public or at events, it wouldn’t matter. Joohyun, always so jumpy, would just cling tighter to Seulgi and make the crowds get even more excited.

That was a good change. They didn’t have to sneak around or stress out about if and when they could see each other. They could enjoy the little things. Go to restaurants, just the two of them. Hold hands when they went out. Post photos together online.

Seulgi could proudly bring her to red carpet events. Openly thank her when they won an award, like she did when they won their first after Seulgi was outed. She could tell her that she loved her in front of everyone - her friends, her family and now anyone in the public.

They got used to their new normal. Seulgi’s biggest fear - being forced to come out - had happened and she survived. Where opportunities were loss, others came about. There would always be a little uncertainty - what would have been different if she hadn’t been outed? But she was okay with the uncertainty.

Because she had Joohyun. And she was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> **If you see this fic posted anywhere but Archive of Our Own and AsianFanfics, it has been copied without my consent. Please do not repost and do not convert/plagiarize this work.**


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